Single sigh. Double sigh sigh.. Triple sigh sigh sigh. Haiz. I think this the word that comes from me most often these few days. Sian!!! Who stole my good exam vibes sia...Mistakes after mistakes. Stupid and careless ones somemore. What have I been doing sia?!

I swear I really studied. Even idiots know that thats a fact. Buy WHY...thats the issue. Possible reasons:

1. Not enough sleep ( I had at least 7hours!)
2. Hunger ( I was a bit hungry, but I had breakfast)
3. Didnt study enough (Maybe lor.)
4. Stupidity (Maybe?)
5. Stubborness (A bit.)
6. No smart geeks in my exam vicinty for me to copy (I'm quite sure)
7. Tough paper (It sure was, but some mistakes were evitable)
8. Too distracted (Possible, but I did study)
9. Just couldn't think (Bingo!)
10. Carelessness (YES!)

There are actually more to add on to the list...but i lazy to think.
Come on, one more to go. If its still as lousy, then i'm really GG. I need an average of 4.2..come to me! I can forget about 4.5. It seems like 4.5 doesnt really like me. Sian.

I did study. I did put in the effort. I don't want to be classified in the same category as FLJW. Cos i'm different from him. And some other pple. I hope!

They say I have the character of an Air Faerie. LOL.

"The Air Faerie wants certain beauty products to make her more radiant. In return she will make your pet more swift."

Hahaha....

I slept so well last nite, that i think it couldnt be better.

Stumbled upon some photos on facebook. Not mine of cos. Noticed how some people's appearances have really changed so drastically while i still remained more or less the same. Wonder why some pple dare to do things that I don't and how they manage to get those things started in the 1st place. Opportunity and character. I won't deem the same stuff as an opportunity based on my character. I think its just sheer waste of time. Well....u cant change a person's character, so you can forget about the stuff that comes with it.

Read the same person's blog too. Sometimes I wonder if my blog is really that deserted. Maybe I brought it upon myself. I could have just informed the whole world of the existance of this La-La Land...but whats the point? You don't used to go round handing your diary to your friends and pple whom you hardly know right? Aiyo...dunno lah...its pple's character and what comes with it, isn't it?

1 week no go home le. :(

Today was my 1st paper. I rmb this was the day I had my physics A-levels too. It wasnt my 1st paper in NTU, but still I dun undstd what took me so long to fall asleep. And when i finally did, I had a bad bad dream...one of my worst nightmares ever.

I dreamt of a female ghost, long black hair covering the hair, white flowy dress, and everything else typical of a Zhen-zi look-alike. Anyway, I dreamt of her in my Hall toilet, saying this to me (I forgot if it was english or mandarin): you have come to look for me AGAIN. She was sort of strangling me or pulling me as she said that. I was struggling. I tried to shout, but no voice came out. Luckily I could still move my legs. I was kicking and struggling so violently that I finally woke up, exhausted from the ghost-human tug-o-war. I could even feel the force that had been exerted by her on me when I woke up. Everything was SO REAL! I was very scared.

The next peculiar thing that happened. My hp alarms didnt ring. I know this might be so common to others, but this is really queer in my case, but pple chose not to believe how strange it was. I was so afraid I couldnt wake up on time, thats why I set 2 alarms. These 2 alarms were the loyal ones that I have been using every single school day for the past one semester and they have NEVER failed me. This morning, BOTH DIDNT RING!!! I was very very sure, cos Qifen didnt hear them too. And if they had rang and i hadnt hear them, the alarm would have self-snoozed and rang 9 minutes later. I ended waking up at 8am instead of 7.15am/7.20am tt I have set. If my alarms did ring, I must be deaf not to hear them after like 10 times of ringing? Anyway, the timing still showed alarm set at 7.15am this morning. I found it particularly eerie esp after that ghostly nightmare I had prior to that.

So I switched off my hp during exam, and found myself not able to turn it on after exam. I had to take out the battery and the memory stick twice before it finally worked. Is my hp going to cmi soon? I hope not. Come on, Sony Ericsson, prove that you are value-for-money.

I'm so traumatised mentally. Seriously, I feel so tired now, but I'm now sleep-phobic. I'm so afraid that the same thing would happen tonight. I'm so afraid of being haunted. Goodness gracious!

Oh yeah man, 3 more days to exams. and I'm too being itchy-handed.

I have been revising BS104...which reminds me of JC bio...cos its really abt JC Bio and more. I don't understand whats wrong with NTU. Why cant they learn from NUS, SU aft the results are out? Do they really want to see us die of getting lousy grades or see us die of regretting making the wrong choices? It happens every sem and I have a hunch that its going to happen for the 3rd time!

Why didnt I SU the stupid module? It served me right for just taking 1 glimpse of the past year papers. I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MORE GLIMPSES. What an idiot I was to make the wrong choice. Have I forgotten how much I hated bio in JC? Have I forgotten what hard time I've got memorising those bio notes? Have I even forgotten how I have never gotten beyond a B (or was it a C) in my entire JC life? So what with an A in the A-levels? It just meant that practice makes perfect. I didnt owe the miracle to the sudden boost in memory I had just before the paper. It was consistency, wasnt it?

So I have been dreaming. How can it be possible to refresh my memory of what I 've learnt in the entire 2 years within 1 semester? And now that the scope has widened such that i need to know the structures of all 20 different amino acids as a foundation, I think I really have been dreaming.

Einstein's theory of relativity. Good job, Albert. Just because i found the EE modules much more mundane and tough...just because i was landed into this course by accident...I found Bio relatively easier. It seems like I did forget all those points as mentioned above. I've really overestimated my passion and interest in the subject, let alone the knowledge and memory capacity I thot I was equipped with. And fear. Are the BS students really gonna do so much better than me? Are they really going to find papers that I find difficult, easy? What and who was I trying to prove wrong? I guess it was just myself.

Whats done cant be undone. Just try my best....what more can I do? When can the school review the SU system? Sigh.

TKK application (INSTEP)

Life is all about the unknown...the fear for the unknown. I cant believe I actually made such a daring and expensive move, but at least i thought that was a little bit helpful in getting one worry off my chest. So they did receive my application. But why identical stuff can yield unidentical results? Maybe its the way things are being carried out.

I have violated the rules. Just like law, rules are meant to be broken. But a criminal wont want to leave traces of evidence behind so that the police can nab him. I'm not a seasoned criminal, so I didn't know that. Or rather I was aware of that BUT I had to do that in order to set my mind at ease. Now its up to the person to hand the evidence over to the relevant authorities. I wonder what the consequences would be. I'm crossing my fingers that they are as patient and nice as they have sounded.

Its nothing serious. There's no need to call the police.

Chain reaction. I finally understand that, cos it happened to me. No big deal actually, just one sleepless night ---> headache and another sleepless night ---> headache and a limited sleep night ---> a tired day. I wonder what kind of night this eventually ends with.

Its gonna be exams soon! One of my last few hopes to pull up my socks and tie my shoe laces (I added in this part). Conf room is opened for studying! I can't wait to really study there...but why do I like that place so much? No place is better than my own room, with everything i need and the toilet just next door. Somehow i miss studying with her. I should be hating her right? Afterall that incident happened during the previous exams season. Argh....can't be bothered to think too much.

I'm falling sick soon! I can predict the future....its just a matter of time. I can feel the germs' ultimatum...wipeout!

I think this is very irritating. So irritating that no matter how much obstacles i face, nothing's gonna deter me from making this entry.

Just about one hour ago, i learnt a new lesson called respect. The subject wasnt me....everything was gathered from the point of view of a third party.

I went down for a jcrc briefing regarding some event. Guy A was a freshie, a new member of jcrc, giving the briefing. It was obvious that he was quite inconfident and nervous, given that this might probably be one of his first few times seeing us...and some of us being his senior somemore. Alright, after much dily-dalying, the briefing finally started. He started to talk about the timings, the stuff to do, etc. And right behind stood the jcrc president, with her arms folded and an impatient and pek-chek look. I think she couldnt take it anymore, so she opened her mouth and that marked the moment of a series of objections.

Guy A: Lets all meet at 9.30pm tmr night.
JCRC Pres: (to Guy A, in front of some 30 pple) Are you sure you want 9.30pm? I think 9.15pm. They need time to.........................blah blah blah.

Guy A: Alright then, 9.15pm. Block comm please meet at 9.30pm, then we start combing the blocks at 9.45pm.
JCRC Pres: Why 9.45 pm then start combing? The residence will.................................blah blah blah.

Guy A: Ok, 9.30pm start combing.
JCRC Pres: Then what abt the manpower? Have you allocated the manpower to.............blah blah blah.

Similar dialogues repeated, till she decided to shut that guy up and give the briefing herself. That guy, was standing in the middle, speechless, embarrassed, lost..... I felt so very much to stand up and say, " Miss President, can you just stop interrupting? Its very rude!" But i didnt dare. I also couldnt imagine what the repurcussions would be. Afterall, she's still the JCRC President.

My points were:
1. Decide everything before you give a public briefing. It reflects very badly on yourself and the guy that you all couldnt come to a consensus when you all are the JCRC!
2. You can bring the guy one side, talk to him all you want to talk abt, check his agenda. Its better than correcting every single thing he said right in front of everyone. RESPECT the others, be it your subordinate, a newbie and whoever.
3. What are you trying to achieve by interrupting a person's speech lidat? To remind all that you are the JCRC President, so you have the final say? Then why dont you give the briefing yourself. Or are you out to disgrace that guy on purpose? To show pple that he's incompetent lousy and you're the opposite?

Learn to respect others. If not, pple will not respect you. From that moment onwards, at least, she has lost my respect.

Missing calculator

Where did my calculators disappear too? I thot I just took them put 2 weeks ago? How could they have disappeared into thin air just like that? I've searched almost the whole house,unless they are hiding in some secluded corners that I've never known existed...which makes me qns why they would be there in the 1st place.

I'm not making a big deal out of a small issue. The real issue is: ITS ABSOLUTELY IRRITATING WHEN U CANT FIND STH! I still recall watching this episode of Doraemon where he conjurred a bottle of fluid which you can spray on all your belongings, such that when you cant find a particular object, all you have to do is to shout for it and it will call out to you. Isnt that cool and beneficial to mankind if such an invention really exists?

But for now, where are my calculators?

I dont like the way things are being handled. Stop thinking that you are that fantastic. Stop keeping me out of the picture and telling me that i'm in it. Give the people around you some respect, cos they've got minds of their own and they've got feelings too. The people here refers to me.

I don't want to make any more sacrifices anymore...at least not before the application results are out. Maybe i should learn to keep things to myself. I shall go ahead and do what i'm going to do. I'm going to wash my hands off the committee that begins with a capital "H" officially, cos i'm just pissed off. I'm going to be an irresponsible person from now on. If thats how they want things to be.

By the way, no more HMF1. I've decided to drop it. Hope i wont regret. By right, i have more reasons not to than to do so.

Till Sept, keep all my fingers and toes crossed. Good luck to me.

Instep or Havoc?

Havoc Camp started. Ended. Lost of beauty sleep. Lost of voice. Tts needless to say. There were things that weren't pleasant to my sight and required changes; matters i felt like voicing, yet i wasnt in the right position to do so. When the opportunity finally came for me to do some revolutions, its just too bad that i'm going to stare at it, leaving me.

I have planned ahead. And that was one of the few instances i reallie did. Cos i hardly do. But why must it be that way? I know there's no win-win solution to all matters. And humans are selfish creatures. But u cant always have your cake and eat it. If only we can.

Sacrifices are bound to be made whenever it comes to decision making. This is the 1st time (is it?) I feel the pinch and the pain. Ouch!

Senior Camp 2-fright night rehearsal

Senior Camp 2-fright night rehearsal just ended. I felt like i have wasted my whole afternoon and evening, doing nth but wait. Long waits after long waits, there were nth for us to do, cos we were not the group in charge of fright night.

The only fun thing that we did was making the cyalume straws with the syringe. It was quite fun, thou it made my hands glow. Haha. And apparently many years of biology didnt teach me to hold the syringe correctly. I thot my way of holding was correct? Hmm...

The walk itself was a bit scary. It wasnt the tasks we had to do, it was the sudden movements that the SMs made, that made me scream. This really goes to show that, apparently i havent been paying much attention during the meetings, cos i did not i know exactly what the tasks were, and what was going to happen next. But i guess its also because of that, i screamed quite a fair bit...and made the fright night rehearsal quite an actual one for me. Haha.

Yong Leong thot i was quite funny...cos i could be laughing, screaming and telling him to be careful at the same time. Hey! How could he make fun of me! I told him to be careful, cos i knew exactly (maybe not so exact) where the dangerous parts were. I laughed when i saw the familiar faces /heard the familiar voices of the SMs. And i screamed when they jumped out or shouted at me all of a sudden. I was genuinely afraid ok! Afterall, old CGH wouldn have been so 'famous' for no reason.

Today was not a very lucky day for Havoc actually. The moment we reached there, we saw a big family. We came to know that they have bought the piece of land where old CGH was standing. OMG! That means we may not be able to use it for actual camp. Their boss came down too.
Then the police came. Then the Ah Bengs came. Then the police came again. Then the Ah Bengs and Ah Lians came again. Finally the SPI came. That was a good series of interruptions. But anyway, we managed to clear the area by 12am. So i guess it was still alright.

Red Tea Jelly with Longan. Hmm...what so special and famous abt it? Nth special leh. Haha.

So thats the way u call welfare...i'm fine with that. I'm not angry. You believe? Of cos not...cos i'm lying through my teeth.

Its just a trip to Msia.
I'm just a Part time staff.

Its ok.

The happiest day and the saddest day.

Went to watch the NDP Preview. The turnout was uncountable. The fireworks were breathtaking. The marching and the formations were spectacular. The airshow was superb. And the performance was boring. Haha. I guess pple shared the same sentiments as many left in the middle of the perfromance.

It didnt occur to me that I was the culprit. All along i thot LZR was responsible for the incident that took place after the 1st group A mtg 1 yr ago...heaven knows i was part of it too. The news came like an asteroid hitting against me. I was crushed. Mentally. I cried very very hard. So hard, for once i felt like breaking down. I was totally drained, worn out, exhausted, whatever you can use to describe the fatigue.

I have never thot that I would be termed an irresponsible person...esp when it was only the 1st mtg...can u imagine the lousy impression i left on others? Forget abt whether i've changed for the better or whatsoever. Whats done couldnt be undone. If i were in MX shoes, i would nv forgive the person(s) that made me cry. Today we are such good frens...good group mates. To think she didnt take it to heart even thou i did hurt her before. One wouldn cry if he/she wasnt hurt. You undstd? If someone were to hurt me, i think i have the perfect reason not to forgive and forget.

Why wasnt i scolded for my behaviour then and there? I would have felt so much better. Or rather i wouldnt have felt so bad. So guilty. I cried not just becuase i made MX cry. I cried cos i was angry and disappointed with myself and childish, stupid, silly and foolish behaviour.

Havent had so much fun since heaven-knows-when. Went Plaza Singapura to do some shopping and to rent Archie comics. It so happened that my mp3 hung on me for no reason and it so happened that there's a Creative store at PS. Voila. Managed to get it fixed on the spot.

My main aim was to shop. So we headed for Far East by foot from PS to shop for shoes and tees. It was a fruitful trip as i managed to buy 2 tees and 1 pair of shoes. Sense of satisfaction-60%. To top up the remaining 40%, we went to Bugis Street to get 2 more tees. Haha. Just nice. 99%. The last 1% was one Unagi Sushi and some soup @ Sakae Sushi.

Wanted to catch a movie at TMall, but we were a bit late. So we went home. I got a cute handphone accessory. Great day!

Today i had my best driving lesson ever! Not cos i didnt stall, its cos i thot everything went rather smoothly.

Its for the 1st time i felt like i'm cruising in a car...wif me at the driver seat and my hands on the steering wheel.
Its also for the 1st time i felt the slight confidence in getting the vehicle moving. Goodness gracious, i even exceeded the speed limit of 60km/h on the road by 20km/h and i even got a chance to go to gear 4!
For the 1st time too, I drove past areas near my workplace, my hse, my sis's place, Daniel's place, my fave coffee shop...basically its a lot of places that i went to this afternoon.

When a guy likes a gal, he might confess to the gal.
When a gal likes a guy, she might never confess to the guy.
So what if this person makes it known to the others that he likes that person...pple have eyes to see, to judge whether this person and that person would make a compatible pair. Correct?
I'm glad there's someone who understands that person and can help that person make the judgement. Make your judgement known to this person. It would make the day of that person.

When one is busy, he always yearns for the time to rest. On the contrary, when one is so free, he wishes to be given some meaningful work to do. I dont like to waste my time doing meaningless things...but for my case, meaningless stuff is meaningful income. Understand?

Tues nite meeting...wed nite dance practice. I have hated dancing since Sec 1 cos i believed my dancing sucks big time. Till now, i still think i can't dance but yet i feel that dancing is fun. I can't believe that i can actually rmb the steps...i shall make it a point to practise consistently, so that i wont be the weakest link during the camp. But its always easier said than done. Haha.

Single...attached...married.

Why does it matter to pple so much? Shouldnt happiness be the most important thing in life? As long as you are happy, why bother about the relationship status?

I'm just wondering.

I have every right to say "This is unfair!!!" and pple have no right to stop me, cos I've just collected concrete proof of what is called unfair. Work hard, work hard, work hard. What's the point? Slack, slack, slack...and pple turn out better than you. Was it an issue of time or was it just a little pinch of luck?

Don't go overboard. Overcooked food doesn't taste nice. The nutrients will be gone, without you realising it.

End of PC show (41 units today, 81 units for past 3 days)

PC Show has ended. My legs are 'sour', my throat is sore and my ear drums have been very much shaken. Thanks to my brain. The 1st and last form of celebration was treating myself to one scoop of Macademia Nut Ice-cream at Haagen Dazs.

Its really tiring. Lessons learnt:
You dont know how tired your legs are, until you sit down.
Just like you dont know how hoarse you voice has turned into, until you really get to stop shouting and talk in a normal pitch and tone.

Attitude. This is the image you portray to others. According to dictionary.com, attitude is
1. manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, esp. of the mind
2. position or posture of the body appropriate to or expressive of an action, emotion

I put in my heart and soul and whatever i have, in all i do. I believe there are pple who do so as well. But i hate it when you see pple giving the heck-care attitude. Stand and smile...chat...eat Pocky...SMS...I know there is no commission. But pls. Show some responsibility, cos afterall, you are paid. If they needed vases, they wouldnt have to pay $8/h/vase. Its far too costly.

Enough of the freebies and the headsets, the carrying-cases and Windows XP. These are the taboo words at least for a week. Enough of the nonsense from those AN and AT. This is not discrimination. But sometimes it just gets on your nerves that pple ask for things that irritates you and put you in a spot. And unfortunately, it really got sth to do with cultures. Nobody can stop me from stereotyping them, cos everybody showed the same pattern, and said the same thing! Heck. I have learnt to say the word "No" today, and i realised, amazingly, it worked!

Today's mode was tuned to 'slack'. But somehow i still managed to sell a considerably reasonable no. of units. Dunno why. Maybe it had sth to do with feng shui. Haha.

Will i be spotted at Dell again during the next PC fair? I doubt so. It takes me a while for the effects of fatigue to disappear and be erased from my memory. For now, all the memories from the SITEX 07 are back. Vividly.

Arh...my long awaited PC show...the tiring and leg-breaking day i've been looking forward to since heaven knows when. Pple question me...why do i like to do this kind of job? Why would i want to stand the whole day, talk the whole day and fake a plastic smile to people you don't feel like entertaining, or sometimes to people whom you are cursing and swearing furiously deep down inside? My ans is...i don't know too.

Today was busy.
To the extent that i didn't really eat lunch and dinner, if you were to ignore the little blueberry cream bun that i had at 6pm.
To the extent that i didnt have time for toilet.
To the extent that i kept one group of customers waiting while i served my other customers.
To the extent that i didn't even keep track of time.
To the extent that i didn't know how i survived today.

Tomorrow is another day of uncertainty. The target is a ridiculous figure of 20 sets. You think tts possible? You think laptops cost $129.90 instead of $1299? Its not easy earning pple's money, especially when you know that the stuff you are selling, is less competitive than the other brands.

Customers came to me with brocures from Acer and Compaq. They made me do the comparisons for them. Even Dell laptops from the retail booths are much more attractive than what we the direct sales are selling. How am i supposed to convince the customers when u realise that after matching all the specs, we are most expensive than the other brands? I don't cheat you see. I am a consumer 99.9% of the time. I understand how it feels when the $$$ figures stare at you. $200 difference is a difference! You can't tell pple, "oh, for that $200, you get to purchase a Dell laptop (and not any other brands) and you get to choose from 8 colours!" Cos i would rather keep my $200 and go for a normal-looking Compaq or NEC laptop, so long as the specs are good. Afterall, most laptops look normal. And same goes for their owners.

But then again, i'm ashamed that this year, we are selling notebooks with such outdated specs. I know they wanted to make the prices look attractive...but i could almost feel myself blushing everytime i mention the additional costs of upgrades to the customers. Because, after all the addition, its no longer seems that good and cheap a deal! And the best thing, once again, is us selling more expensive than our retail booth! I hate this. Why are we, the direct dealers, more expensive than the retail dealers!!! Its so irritating! Its as if we are driving away our customers...as if the non-casn & carry policy isnt doing so enough.

Oh well oh well. Thats sales. And of cos, you meet all kinds of customers. Humourous, not-humourous-but-try-to-act-humourous, cheapskates, wealthy, knowlegable, smart-alecs, friendly, arrogant...and many more. I can't help but reflect on which category i fall into 99.9% of the time.

I know we are paid. But we are workers, not slaves. The least those whoevers can do is to appreciate what we are doing for them. Its not my fault that customers take their time to make a decision. Mind you, its a $1000+++ deal that we are talking abt here. Esp in times of inflation and other rubbish, time for consideration is definitely necessary.

I didnt lose my cool. (When customers were around.)
I didnt lose my smile. (When customers were around.)
No matter how fake i look. (As compared to when customers are not around.)
Afterall sales is service.